miss talented

we haven't turned the tv on for many months, but fate would have it that when I did decide to see how the rest of the world spends their evenings the other night, we were treated to none other than the Miss America pagent. We haven't watched this event in several years, but to me, it appeared as if they're making a big effort to try and change the image of the contest, having added the new "miss america quiz" category, and elevating the talent competition to the very end--deciding the winner.

speaking of talent, it's interesting that every single contestant (at least those highlighted from the preliminaries, and those competing in the final group) chose either singing (or lip sync., as the case may be), dancing, or in one case, playing the piano. do all the personal consultants recommend these talents to their aspiring americas? has research proven that nine out of the last ten women to wear the crown came from somewhere way off broadway?

not that we didn't thoroughly enjoy all the jazz dance and operetta, but Sarah and I decided it would be even more interesting and entertaining to the viewing audience if some of next year's contestants discovered their hidden talents elsewhere.

wouldn't it be great to see miss Alaska in an evening gown carving an ice sculpture with a chain saw? Or I bet miss PA could roll up her chiffon sleeves and demonstrate some skilled drywall repair (hard to resist flinging a little mud at her fellow contestants though probably, or perhaps the audience). Some other talents we'd like to see: stunt driving (the Shriners could lend one of their suped-up go carts, and instruction from their parade experience--perfect for the tight confines of the stage); cake decorating; juggling torches; goat milking; feng shui consultation (she'd probably just shake her head and walk away feeling exasperated--where to begin with a scene like that?), teeth cleaning (we figure some of them are probably dental hygenists in real life--besides, their competetors would probably fight over the chance for a little tooth whitening mid-way through the competition); double dutch jump roping, child care (send twenty toddlers out on stage and see if she can get them all to listen attentively); and for the most cerebral, puns.

We welcome your comments and contributions to what we hope will be the new standard list of talents that everybody's choosing from next year...